Against the background of this basic assumption, it is natural for a person to have good relationships with others, to think well, to act wisely and successfully and to enjoy life.
Every human being cooperates and acts on the basis of this basic idea, always wise, except when rigid thought and behavior patterns that stem from emotional blockages get in the way.
Our flexible and smart thinking and behavior is then replaced by irrational actions, negative emotions, failed cooperation or failed communication. These rigid patterns are remnants of physically or emotionally painful experiences, many of them from childhood, from which we never fully recovered. The patterns are activated when something in the current situation reminds us of previous occasions when we have been bad.
The lingering effects of painful experiences can be eliminated through natural emotional experiences (such as crying, laughing, yawning, and trembling). After such an emotional experience, a person is able to think more clearly and to re-evaluate what happened when she previously felt bad.
Part of social education teaches us not to live out emotions. It happens through messages like “Do not cry”, “Be a big boy” and so on. These messages prevent release from our blockages, and lead to an increasing set of rigid patterns and tensions. As we grow older, this has severely limited our initial ability to have good relationships with others, to succeed, and to enjoy life. It also hinders our progress towards a society that supports all people to flourish in collaborative, respectful relationships.
The natural ability to recover from patterns and difficulties is a very important part of constructive conversations. The first condition is a listener, helper, who is sincerely interested, who remains relaxed in the face of our emotional experiences and understands how the process of discharging emotions works.